Coming from a Woman who went from her father’s house to her husband’s house, now living alone as a divorcee, I feel so protective of my solitude that I avoid telling others how absolutely freaking great it is. For fear that they might take it away and tie me to yet another person.
It’s funny because even though I am a mother and the struggle is hard, I still feel free and in control. Alhamdulillah
It’s like you took these last paragraphs straight out of my mouth. Been trying to convince my grandma that being on my own at this moment of my life feel very right to me for so long. I’m proud of us all taking the time and space we need to unbecome everything that the society has made us to be. Thank you for writing this!!
wow this made me really think, I never actually spoke this world out loud to my family but the more I grow the more I despise going back to my home country.
I just finished watching a movie called mustang that talks about sisters that are forced to marry at a young age, and just shows how women are viewed and treated in some countries, eventually 2 of them break free but it's just insane that I found this literally after watching the movie.
I relate so much, I spent a short while in Sudan during my formative years, and this brought forth so many memories and complex emotions :,) <3 I’m happy you found yourself~!
We were both taught to fear spinsterhood in our youth and are regularly reminded that it can be wielded against us as we age.
It's only now that my kids are grown that I'm realizing I've gone pretty much my whole life attached to others. While there's more time to focus on me, it still feels like with all of life's interruptions, there's never quite enough time to reflect, create, and keep up.
i can’t imagine the feeling :( i hope it gets better ❤️ also you CAN highlight i believe, just click the text you want and the option to “quote” should come up!
Mashallah allah has given her the strength and the motivation to write this importing piece. Truly incredible masaallah, capturing many women’s struggles.
Helping yourself and others in the difficulty of facing cultural norms while being a Muslim woman between two countries with loved ones saying it is for safety to be covered and protected outside by a man in one country and being independent, while being still a hijabi but finding yourself that comfort in between because you felt caged in between not knowing who or what to listen and do during womanhood.
It is something most of us feel and don't realize others going through the same. Between changes within us, change our views and the people around us, because we don't see the world through rosy glasses anymore but the reality and maturity we are forced to see at some point in every woman’s life.
Graduate to womanhood and the difference is spoken silently but so loud in our surroundings as if everything is changing.
Having the closest of male cousins no longer near, suddenly having not granted permission to play anywhere you want, suddenly not being able to go to the market, needing a man to go to school walking around the market, told to speak softly and cover-up and more that is going back to Bangladesh for me my home and still is.
While I'm now a niqabi in the US still follow the religious beliefs of being covered, trying to speak softly, staying away from making cousins or other nonmetals unless necessary, and not going outside unless necessary, in all this it is something my religion asked of me and I find comfort in them. I don't have the feeling of being caged and forced.
As the only girl in the family with the minimum girls I'm loved thanks to Allah all and given the freedom most girls my age didn't have in my country or here in most families and yet the changes that come with women are something I too had to face like any other.
In America, it is something taught, and I thankfully came to America in between the changes as I immigrated here with my family in 6th grade and learned of it from precious women who told me of the changes and changed my mindset about it.
But my cousins in my country weren't aware of it when I went back and one day Caught talking about it one of my younger cousins questioned and the older cousins and aunties tried to distract her.
But I thought of her and later on, when her time of womanhood came she wasn't scared of the changes but accepted it and her mother was thankful because she didn't know how to break it to her.
In countries like Bangladesh, few are taught about womanhood, women learn through experience there and it has been that way for generations even though it's more open now it was sort of taboo before to talk about womanhood still is, some places, and men learn after marriages for most.
In that process, lots of changes, and between the changes comes a bridge women and men have in between them.
Women dealing with that change in a cage don't know who to share with or how to face the changes until years pass and men don't fully understand the changes that women around them going through and just try to go with the flow as it always has been but not knowing time has changed.
Women and men should be taught womanhood from a young age and it is a blessing, not a curse that women have to feel caged faced with it.
They should be aware of the changes that come with it and given the time and support to cope with it like any other change.
It took me years to feel comfortable being alone, but once I embraced it, I not only began to enjoy and still cherish my time by myself, but I also became more selective about who and what I choose to share my time with.
This is incredible, I completely admire the way you write. A few years ago one of my (only) friends at the time told me that I need to find comfort in being alone. I was 16 and extremely clingy to the friends I had due to moving schools when I was young. It's the best advice I've ever received, as once I discovered that I don't have to constantly be around people, I became so much more comfortable in myself and my identity!
this is really beautifully written! i have practically no friends and i always wonder if it's possible to do the things I want to do with friends, but on my own. I don't know why I pondered this thought, because of course it's possible. i live in a uk city, and i've always dreamed of living in my own little apartment/ home in the country a bit more north of the uk. reading this made me feel so much more confident in making this move. the world is so unsafe for us girlies, but we just need to find the spaces which are the safest and most adaptable <3
so beautiful… i grew up in the uk, and i always felt safe coming from from the guides group around the block until one night i got catcalled by a passing stranger. it wasnt even serious, but the realisation that it could have been serious irked me. i like my moments of solitude, but i need my sisterhood. thank you 💖
Thank you for sharing an interesting, well articulated glimpse into Algerian life… you evocatively captured emotion. I agree it is such a privilege to be alone as a woman…many don’t have this choice. Alone time is wonderful. I am about to move in with my partner and a bit terrified about having another around 24/7. Wonder if he’ll agree to separate houses…
As a Muslim woman who lives alone in Chicago, in the safety of my own place that I pay rent for, this piece was so emotional for me. This freedom is indeed a privilege. One that I will never take for granted
Coming from a Woman who went from her father’s house to her husband’s house, now living alone as a divorcee, I feel so protective of my solitude that I avoid telling others how absolutely freaking great it is. For fear that they might take it away and tie me to yet another person.
It’s funny because even though I am a mother and the struggle is hard, I still feel free and in control. Alhamdulillah
i’m so glad you feel good. they’ve been robbing us of our freedom for years
It’s like you took these last paragraphs straight out of my mouth. Been trying to convince my grandma that being on my own at this moment of my life feel very right to me for so long. I’m proud of us all taking the time and space we need to unbecome everything that the society has made us to be. Thank you for writing this!!
Yes! Thank you for sharing and exactly, i completely agree honestly
wow this made me really think, I never actually spoke this world out loud to my family but the more I grow the more I despise going back to my home country.
I just finished watching a movie called mustang that talks about sisters that are forced to marry at a young age, and just shows how women are viewed and treated in some countries, eventually 2 of them break free but it's just insane that I found this literally after watching the movie.
oh wow I have to check the movie out. i'm sorry you feel that way :(
I relate so much, I spent a short while in Sudan during my formative years, and this brought forth so many memories and complex emotions :,) <3 I’m happy you found yourself~!
Thank you! Yes, it took me months to even write this because the emotions it brings up are always horrible but i’m glad you can resonate with me!
I wish I could highlight pieces of the article.
We were both taught to fear spinsterhood in our youth and are regularly reminded that it can be wielded against us as we age.
It's only now that my kids are grown that I'm realizing I've gone pretty much my whole life attached to others. While there's more time to focus on me, it still feels like with all of life's interruptions, there's never quite enough time to reflect, create, and keep up.
i can’t imagine the feeling :( i hope it gets better ❤️ also you CAN highlight i believe, just click the text you want and the option to “quote” should come up!
I'll try that next time. Thanks.
Mashallah allah has given her the strength and the motivation to write this importing piece. Truly incredible masaallah, capturing many women’s struggles.
Helping yourself and others in the difficulty of facing cultural norms while being a Muslim woman between two countries with loved ones saying it is for safety to be covered and protected outside by a man in one country and being independent, while being still a hijabi but finding yourself that comfort in between because you felt caged in between not knowing who or what to listen and do during womanhood.
It is something most of us feel and don't realize others going through the same. Between changes within us, change our views and the people around us, because we don't see the world through rosy glasses anymore but the reality and maturity we are forced to see at some point in every woman’s life.
Graduate to womanhood and the difference is spoken silently but so loud in our surroundings as if everything is changing.
Having the closest of male cousins no longer near, suddenly having not granted permission to play anywhere you want, suddenly not being able to go to the market, needing a man to go to school walking around the market, told to speak softly and cover-up and more that is going back to Bangladesh for me my home and still is.
While I'm now a niqabi in the US still follow the religious beliefs of being covered, trying to speak softly, staying away from making cousins or other nonmetals unless necessary, and not going outside unless necessary, in all this it is something my religion asked of me and I find comfort in them. I don't have the feeling of being caged and forced.
As the only girl in the family with the minimum girls I'm loved thanks to Allah all and given the freedom most girls my age didn't have in my country or here in most families and yet the changes that come with women are something I too had to face like any other.
In America, it is something taught, and I thankfully came to America in between the changes as I immigrated here with my family in 6th grade and learned of it from precious women who told me of the changes and changed my mindset about it.
But my cousins in my country weren't aware of it when I went back and one day Caught talking about it one of my younger cousins questioned and the older cousins and aunties tried to distract her.
But I thought of her and later on, when her time of womanhood came she wasn't scared of the changes but accepted it and her mother was thankful because she didn't know how to break it to her.
In countries like Bangladesh, few are taught about womanhood, women learn through experience there and it has been that way for generations even though it's more open now it was sort of taboo before to talk about womanhood still is, some places, and men learn after marriages for most.
In that process, lots of changes, and between the changes comes a bridge women and men have in between them.
Women dealing with that change in a cage don't know who to share with or how to face the changes until years pass and men don't fully understand the changes that women around them going through and just try to go with the flow as it always has been but not knowing time has changed.
Women and men should be taught womanhood from a young age and it is a blessing, not a curse that women have to feel caged faced with it.
They should be aware of the changes that come with it and given the time and support to cope with it like any other change.
wow this is beautifully written, thank you so much for sharing your experience with me! you should definitely turn this into an essay
Insaallah! Maybe not an essay but an post related to this. Thank you so much for the inspiration!
this was written so beautifully and my heart screamed “yes yes yes!!!” at every word 🫶
thank you!
What a beautiful perspective. Thank you for sharing your light with us
thank you!
It took me years to feel comfortable being alone, but once I embraced it, I not only began to enjoy and still cherish my time by myself, but I also became more selective about who and what I choose to share my time with.
wow i love that for you
This is incredible, I completely admire the way you write. A few years ago one of my (only) friends at the time told me that I need to find comfort in being alone. I was 16 and extremely clingy to the friends I had due to moving schools when I was young. It's the best advice I've ever received, as once I discovered that I don't have to constantly be around people, I became so much more comfortable in myself and my identity!
thank you!
this is really beautifully written! i have practically no friends and i always wonder if it's possible to do the things I want to do with friends, but on my own. I don't know why I pondered this thought, because of course it's possible. i live in a uk city, and i've always dreamed of living in my own little apartment/ home in the country a bit more north of the uk. reading this made me feel so much more confident in making this move. the world is so unsafe for us girlies, but we just need to find the spaces which are the safest and most adaptable <3
aw i love that for you! i wish you all the best in your journey to be alone!
so beautiful… i grew up in the uk, and i always felt safe coming from from the guides group around the block until one night i got catcalled by a passing stranger. it wasnt even serious, but the realisation that it could have been serious irked me. i like my moments of solitude, but i need my sisterhood. thank you 💖
i’m sorry that happened to you :(
This is so true I had thought of it like this it’s such a privilege to be able to be alone thanks for this! <3
of course!
Thank you for sharing an interesting, well articulated glimpse into Algerian life… you evocatively captured emotion. I agree it is such a privilege to be alone as a woman…many don’t have this choice. Alone time is wonderful. I am about to move in with my partner and a bit terrified about having another around 24/7. Wonder if he’ll agree to separate houses…
haha aw good luck!
It is a privilege indeed. Thank you
As a Muslim woman who lives alone in Chicago, in the safety of my own place that I pay rent for, this piece was so emotional for me. This freedom is indeed a privilege. One that I will never take for granted