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Fowoke Sara's avatar

Coming from a Woman who went from her father’s house to her husband’s house, now living alone as a divorcee, I feel so protective of my solitude that I avoid telling others how absolutely freaking great it is. For fear that they might take it away and tie me to yet another person.

It’s funny because even though I am a mother and the struggle is hard, I still feel free and in control. Alhamdulillah

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lina boudelaa's avatar

i’m so glad you feel good. they’ve been robbing us of our freedom for years

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Kaw's avatar

wow this made me really think, I never actually spoke this world out loud to my family but the more I grow the more I despise going back to my home country.

I just finished watching a movie called mustang that talks about sisters that are forced to marry at a young age, and just shows how women are viewed and treated in some countries, eventually 2 of them break free but it's just insane that I found this literally after watching the movie.

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lina boudelaa's avatar

oh wow I have to check the movie out. i'm sorry you feel that way :(

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Riaaa's avatar

Wow mustang is truly my all time favorite movie!! I never seen anyone else talk about this film or even bring it up at all I really loved how the film Mustang portrayed how societal expectations can confine women, especially in more traditional communities/non western countries. The way the five sisters in the film go from living freely to having their home turned into a cage, all because their innocence is misinterpreted I related to that so heavily. The way they were pushed toward arranged marriages and stricter rules the movie did an amazing job at highlighting how cultural norms limit women’s choices.

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Kaw's avatar

oh my god!!! I loved that movie so much too, If you go on letterbox the reviews on that movie are not so good, they say that it is not realistic and it's ratherly just a stereotyped point of view, but coming from a similar culture I feel that it is quite accurate, not even exagerate, there are girls out there living these kind of stuff everyday. It's crazy you're literally the only other person that has seen this movie that I know😭

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Riaaa's avatar

Stop the last sentence makes me soo happy😭😭 but it’s also crazy how the movie doesn’t have enough recognition at all!! More people need to watch it for sure! People seeing the movie and labeling it as “exaggerated” is so insane to me. The movie was the realist if not less exaggerated than what women from certain cultures go through. Makes me so sad that people saw the movie in that way but nonetheless I’m so happy to come across someone else who watched the movie aswell😭❤️

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Madina's avatar

It’s like you took these last paragraphs straight out of my mouth. Been trying to convince my grandma that being on my own at this moment of my life feel very right to me for so long. I’m proud of us all taking the time and space we need to unbecome everything that the society has made us to be. Thank you for writing this!!

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lina boudelaa's avatar

Yes! Thank you for sharing and exactly, i completely agree honestly

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Olive's avatar

This is incredible, I completely admire the way you write. A few years ago one of my (only) friends at the time told me that I need to find comfort in being alone. I was 16 and extremely clingy to the friends I had due to moving schools when I was young. It's the best advice I've ever received, as once I discovered that I don't have to constantly be around people, I became so much more comfortable in myself and my identity!

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lina boudelaa's avatar

thank you!

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Mina's avatar

I relate so much, I spent a short while in Sudan during my formative years, and this brought forth so many memories and complex emotions :,) <3 I’m happy you found yourself~!

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lina boudelaa's avatar

Thank you! Yes, it took me months to even write this because the emotions it brings up are always horrible but i’m glad you can resonate with me!

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Nazia Islam's avatar

Mashallah allah has given her the strength and the motivation to write this importing piece. Truly incredible masaallah, capturing many women’s struggles.

Helping yourself and others in the difficulty of facing cultural norms while being a Muslim woman between two countries with loved ones saying it is for safety to be covered and protected outside by a man in one country and being independent, while being still a hijabi but finding yourself that comfort in between because you felt caged in between not knowing who or what to listen and do during womanhood.

It is something most of us feel and don't realize others going through the same. Between changes within us, change our views and the people around us, because we don't see the world through rosy glasses anymore but the reality and maturity we are forced to see at some point in every woman’s life.

Graduate to womanhood and the difference is spoken silently but so loud in our surroundings as if everything is changing.

Having the closest of male cousins no longer near, suddenly having not granted permission to play anywhere you want, suddenly not being able to go to the market, needing a man to go to school walking around the market, told to speak softly and cover-up and more that is going back to Bangladesh for me my home and still is.

While I'm now a niqabi in the US still follow the religious beliefs of being covered, trying to speak softly, staying away from making cousins or other nonmetals unless necessary, and not going outside unless necessary, in all this it is something my religion asked of me and I find comfort in them. I don't have the feeling of being caged and forced.

As the only girl in the family with the minimum girls I'm loved thanks to Allah all and given the freedom most girls my age didn't have in my country or here in most families and yet the changes that come with women are something I too had to face like any other.

In America, it is something taught, and I thankfully came to America in between the changes as I immigrated here with my family in 6th grade and learned of it from precious women who told me of the changes and changed my mindset about it.

But my cousins in my country weren't aware of it when I went back and one day Caught talking about it one of my younger cousins questioned and the older cousins and aunties tried to distract her.

But I thought of her and later on, when her time of womanhood came she wasn't scared of the changes but accepted it and her mother was thankful because she didn't know how to break it to her.

In countries like Bangladesh, few are taught about womanhood, women learn through experience there and it has been that way for generations even though it's more open now it was sort of taboo before to talk about womanhood still is, some places, and men learn after marriages for most.

In that process, lots of changes, and between the changes comes a bridge women and men have in between them.

Women dealing with that change in a cage don't know who to share with or how to face the changes until years pass and men don't fully understand the changes that women around them going through and just try to go with the flow as it always has been but not knowing time has changed.

Women and men should be taught womanhood from a young age and it is a blessing, not a curse that women have to feel caged faced with it.

They should be aware of the changes that come with it and given the time and support to cope with it like any other change.

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lina boudelaa's avatar

wow this is beautifully written, thank you so much for sharing your experience with me! you should definitely turn this into an essay

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Nazia Islam's avatar

Insaallah! Maybe not an essay but an post related to this. Thank you so much for the inspiration!

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emma🦈's avatar

thank you for so eloquently capturing the experience of being a girl from a conservative culture🫶🏽

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lina boudelaa's avatar

thank you for sharing!

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Misty S. Bledsoe's avatar

I wish I could highlight pieces of the article.

We were both taught to fear spinsterhood in our youth and are regularly reminded that it can be wielded against us as we age.

It's only now that my kids are grown that I'm realizing I've gone pretty much my whole life attached to others. While there's more time to focus on me, it still feels like with all of life's interruptions, there's never quite enough time to reflect, create, and keep up.

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lina boudelaa's avatar

i can’t imagine the feeling :( i hope it gets better ❤️ also you CAN highlight i believe, just click the text you want and the option to “quote” should come up!

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Misty S. Bledsoe's avatar

I'll try that next time. Thanks.

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✨️Joy✨️ فرح🍉's avatar

I just recently joined Substack and OMG. I'm glad I found your essay! As a fellow North African woman from Morocco, I relate so deeply to what you experienced as I still live with my parents in my country. My teenage years were all at home to the point that I became an introvert because my parents wouldn't allow me to go out by myself. I'm 24 now, learning to be independent and explore my own freedom. I used to think that going out alone would be lonely and scary but ever since I started going out by myself I enjoy it so much and I feel so peaceful visiting bookshops and taking strolls on my own. I can't wait to get a job and start saving to live on my own inshallah. Your post inspired me to embrace my personal freedom of being alone, which women before me didn't get to experience. Thank you so much for this! It resonated so deeply with me🫶🏻💕

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lina boudelaa's avatar

I love this so much thank you for sharing! I’m so happy you’re finally learning to live by yourself, I wish you luck in the future!

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Khadija 🤍🗡📚's avatar

You know what, I never thought of it like that. Thank you for writing this 🌹

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lina boudelaa's avatar

thank you for your kind words❤️

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Barbara Guimaraes's avatar

It took me years to feel comfortable being alone, but once I embraced it, I not only began to enjoy and still cherish my time by myself, but I also became more selective about who and what I choose to share my time with.

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lina boudelaa's avatar

wow i love that for you

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mercury's avatar

so beautiful… i grew up in the uk, and i always felt safe coming from from the guides group around the block until one night i got catcalled by a passing stranger. it wasnt even serious, but the realisation that it could have been serious irked me. i like my moments of solitude, but i need my sisterhood. thank you 💖

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lina boudelaa's avatar

i’m sorry that happened to you :(

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Munira’s thoughts's avatar

The more you get older the more you realise being lonely alone is better than being with people and feeling lonely

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lina boudelaa's avatar

exactly and it takes being with people and feeling lonely to realise it

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Munira’s thoughts's avatar

Yh the experience is what gets you there

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وعد (waad)'s avatar

This is so incredibly beautiful

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lina boudelaa's avatar

thank uuu❤️

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anoynmous123's avatar

This was such a beautiful read. As a hijabi, i can relate sm to the cultural (cultural not religious) pressure to stay secluded

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lina boudelaa's avatar

thank you for sharing❤️

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rach elswood's avatar

Wow this is so beautifully written and so powerful!! Absolutely adored reading it 💛

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lina boudelaa's avatar

thank you so much!❤️

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