beautiful women are lonely

pretty privilege: the downsides

Have you ever noticed how everything that is beautiful in life happens to be guarded, hidden or fleeting? How the Mona Lisa is encapsulated inside a bullet proof glass case — on display for the masses to admire but never touch. How the most valuable jewels are always hidden in steel underground vaults, tucked away from anyone who dares think themselves worthy of wearing them. Or how the most beautiful rose in a garden is picked, then left in a vase to slowly wilt away until it’s beauty is diminished and is discarded.

As a woman who considers herself to possess a considerable amount of beauty, I noticed the privileges it brought me from a young age. In my early school years, the boys went out of their way to pick me flowers from the playground or help me with my school work. I never worried about being picked for team sports because I would either be the captain or be picked first. Going to an all girls secondary schools, I got invited to birthday parties and hangouts (although my parents never let me go). I always had a friend to walk to school with, a friend to eat with and a friend to walk home with. By the time I hit puberty and my childish features were replaced by mature, feminine ones, it became increasingly difficult to pretend to ignore the attention I got on the street; from men and women alike. It also became increasingly difficult to filter out unwanted and malicious attention from admiration.

As I went into sixth form and my network grew, I became friends with many people. People who studied all different subjects, of all different personalities from different places around the world. There was always someone there when I needed something, whether it was to study with in the library or to hang out with after school. However, it wasn’t until the middle of my first year, when I had a fall out with my best friend and she moved to another country, that I realised; I was incredibly lonely.

See, I had friends. I knew people. Wherever I would go in school, I would bump into someone and say hi. But for some reason, it always felt like no one dared come closer to me. In the great words of Cher Horowitz, I felt like a ‘Monet’; beautiful from afar but the closer you get to it, the more you realise it was imperfect. I wasn’t a stranger to compliments or admiration. They built up my confidence but often, people put me on an unwanted pedestal, held up by assumptions that my life must be perfect. Some people became so hell bent on this idea that once they realised their assumptions were incorrect, the pedestal comes crashing down and they wanted nothing to do with me.

There were always three types of people in my life:

1. The Mona Lisa: people who would watch me from afar, lurk on my social media to see what I’m up to or talk about me to other people yet never actually sought a connection with me. They were too scared to penetrate the non-existent bullet proof glass case around me.

2. The Jewels: people who would get close to me and become friends with me, only to try to hate and try dimming my light, try to coerce me into hiding myself through their spiteful comments, backhanded compliments and hate disguised as “jokes”.

3. The Rose: people who would use me as a social connection, become friends with me, only to realise I am in fact a human, with needs and flaws and not just a pretty face, then neglect to maintain the connection with me.

There are still times I feel lonely. Despite being surrounded by loving friends and people, I still feel alone and misunderstood. The privileges that come from beauty are incredible and I would not give them up for the world. The circles it invites me into, the quality of life it offers me and the opportunities it unlocks for me are benefits that I am so grateful for. But to deny the negativity that surrounds it would be deleterious.

Beauty holds immense power. Beauty is threatening. In a world fuelled by sex, money and power, beauty is a currency. You can either learn how to harness this power and use it to your advantage or continue to allow yourself to be taken advantage of.